Someone killed my coffee grinder!

And I am not a happy BW this morning.

First off, I didn’t want to wake up today.  I was sleeping soundly when my alarm decided it needed to help me wake up.  I turned it off in my slumber.

Minutes later, I forced myself out of the bed and into the kitchen, first to take my daily dose of pig thyroid, and then to concoct my morning stimulant.

The Captain is home, so of course the dishes are all washed and the counters are spotless . . . but what’s this?  A mess in the corner of the counter where I keep the coffee grinder and my stash of coffee beans.

My mental brakes come to a screeching halt as I go from contemplating which bean I should grind to the Dead End of asking “What the H. E. Double Hockey Sticks happened to my grinder?”   It’s a mess.

I plug it in . . . nothing.  It’s dead.

I’m turning to you, my Private Eye readers, to help me solve this crime, at least until Termite wakes up and I hang him from his toenails, forcing a confession.  I’ll hold his duck calls hostage and break them one by one with a ball peen hammer until he spills the coffee  beans.

Here’s what you have to go on . . .

Coffee GrinderThere it lay.  Kitchen towel nearby.  Unplugged.  Water droplets on the counter.  A light brown kind of greasy substance in the cup that holds the beans, and a little bit of the same thing in the grinder.  Blue body covered with greasy finger prints and smudges.

I need each of you to recreate the most likely scenario of who killed my Krups and how.  Was it The Captain?  Was it Miah?  Was it Termite?  After you’ve chosen your likely suspect, I want you then to comment in great detail how the UNSUB perpetrated the crime.

And the person who has the most crime details correct and comes closest to solving the mystery of the murdered coffee grinder will win this . . .

French Presshandy dandy 2-cup French press coffee pot from Community Coffee.  And then you will learn to use it right here.

My birthday was last week, but better late than never.  I’m accepting gifts past the due date, and here’s the grinder I want.  Thanks in advance!

Meanwhile, I’m suffering enjoying a mundane Mr. Coffee-maker cup of coffee.  Yawn.  Stretch.

Okay, let’s get cracking!


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  1. Good morning to you! Just so you know Mr Coffee was good to me this morning. I laughed out loud at the ‘pig thyroid’…we are 2 of a kind.

    Now to the secret of the broken grinder! ‘The Captain’ did it of course. Just maybe while you were sleeping in ‘The Captain’ was to suprise you with making your early morning stimulant. BUT!….you can’t grind coffee in a grinder that is WORN OUT!

    Have a lovely day!

    Your friend in NLA!

  2. It sounds to me that someone wanted to surprise you by washing the grinder. Why in the world someone would go that route, I don’t know!!

  3. Very suspicious, but I think water is the key here. I have two theories that someone was cleaning and dropped the grinder in a sink or tried to wash the grinder or someone attempted making a frozen coffee.

    So if washing or dropping it in the sink, it must be Captain because you identify that things are clean when he is home.

    If it is a frozen drink, I would go with Termite because that just seems to fit a nickname like that.

    Good luck and if you want to rescue the grinder, try submerging it in dry rice to extract the moisture.


  4. I am thinking it was the raccoons. All suspects on your list have spent more time with you than me and I would know not to touch the kitchen esp. the coffee grinder. Use the ballpeen hammer to smash beans.

    You counted heads? Who is missing?

    What’s the brown gunk taste like? Just the science guy in me, really.

  5. Had to be the Capt. (1)Sounds like he’s somewhat of a neat freak. (2) Due to his job, he’s not home enough to know better than to mess with your grinder. (3) Since you’re not a “Cougar”, (and having seen a photo of the Capt. at Christmas)…he is at that age where many of us NEED “cheaters” to read. Apparently he was trying to clean up after himself, but was unable to read the “Do Not Immerse In Water” in fine print.

      1. MY,my, my…I guess you’ve been fishing instead of watching TV. Dahlin, a “Cougar” is an older woman who is with a MUCH younger man. So…you obviously don’t have a younger inexperienced (coffee making husband) needing cheaters to read.

        1. Oh, I knew what a Cougar was, I just couldn’t figure out how that in any way referred to me!!!! I guess having never met The Captain, you would not know that he is “older” than I!!!

          1. If I continue to confuse you (I’m having problems expressing myself here ) I’ll have to find you a decoder ring. Then you’ll be able to understand me AND Blufloyd. LOL No decoder needed for this…The Captain did it in the kitchen with the tap flowing hot and hard. (I haven’t a “CLUE” where this is leading, so I’ll end this since the decoder is not handy)

  6. I think it was the same “Someone” who left the twisty thingy off the loaf of bread, left the tea pitcher empty in the fridge, didn’t start the dryer, lost the remote, took the batteries out of the bathroom clock to use in the Wii, left the dog outside and ate the last of the ice cream. I thought that “someone” only lived at my house, it appears I was wrong.

  7. As a retired captain myself, we have always has Community on board, but it’s always ground. We’re a tidy lot and like things neat & clean. I’m blaming the Captain, who thought that grinder looked very non- shipshape. And whether he did it or not, it’s his responsibility, no matter who did it, because he IS the Captain.

    1. Dear Captain Blackwood! Your reason is quite sound, though I’m not sure yet who the culprit is. For everyone else reading this . . . we need more scenarios to make this fun, interesting, and fair! So, please forward a link to this contest to all your close blogging friends and see what we can come up with!!! A bunch of folks commented over at Community Coffee, but those don’t count unless they copy and paste their theories here! Thanks for taking a stab at it, Cap’n! BW (P.S. I’m one too!)

      1. I always like meeting other Cap’n Gals! I was actually the first female officer at Edison Chouest.

        Now having two captains in the house is like having two cooks in the kitchen… 😉 But at least we know you are not the guilty party…unless you actually are…hrmm…

        I am thinking though this might be a good time to switch to cold dripped Community. That’s all we serve up at the Ranch and we keep several varieties of extract available at all times.

        All our grinders are devoted to spices & herbs here. Off to share your dilemma with friends…

  8. Pretty sure it was the dogs. I get the impression they head down to Jughead’s after y’all have hit the sack and party it up. Pooches trying to grind beans with a hang over is never a good scene. Can’t even tell ya how many grinders I’ve lost that way.

  9. The Captain, I’m sure. He cleaned up the kitchen and noticed that the grinder was looking a little worn into the ground, you might say. So he dunked the whole thing in the dishwater–I mean, it looks like a solid piece, doesn’t it? Or he rinsed it under the tap and wodnered why it suddenly felt so greasy. Washed it, tried to dry it which was probably hard to do with that coffee oil all over everything at this point.Then left it on the counter to drain. I wonder if he even knows he killed it?

    You might be able to take it apart and dry the innards, then put it in the sun to finish drying out. That might work, although it’s hard to know. My granddaughter washed her cell phone here once in the washing machine and it did dry enough to use eventually.

    Here’s the thing. You certainly don’t want to discourage a man from washing dishes and cleaning up the kitchen. So how to handle this with no damage to manly pride? Can you even address it without steam coming out of your ears? Of course, you might use feminine tears to get a new grinder–nah, that’s not playing fair and I don’t think that’s your style. I’m going to be interested, though, in hearing all about the investigation and trial–and whether or not the case gets tossed for witness tampering. Or maybe the judge will get bribed by a new grinder? I’m staying tuned!

  10. The Captain would never leave a mess for you to find. He’s smarter than that. Termite is still sleeping, who are we kidding, he may not get up until noon. So Miah is the only logical suspect. The light brown greasy substance in the cup and grinder leads me to think of Roux, but no not even Miah would mistake coffee beans for roux….would she… Read More???

    Unless, however in a sleep filled stupor, Miah reached for what she thought was a chocolate substance to frappe’, and realized too late that Savioe’s roux does not smell like coffee or have the right consistency! Ick! Realizing her mistake she tries to clean the coffee grinder, but rinsing just isn’t enough to get the Roux out!!! She dunks into dish water, tries to wipe away the evidence, but alas, your Krupps is dead 🙁

    I bet she is also not in the house. Off to CC’s……

  11. Copied and pasted for you from Facebook:

    Gordon Smith: I think it was the evil Starbucks dude that followed her from the store when he spotted her buying community coffee beans! He waited till all lights were out and snuck in through the doggy door lol!!

    Dot Harman: Don’t know what happened to the grinder, but for sure, Termite took the beans for a social studies project on Brazil!

    Stacey Agnelly: The brown substance on the grinder looks more like chocolate ice cream than coffee – So my guess is that “someone” wanted a mocha and quickly realized that this was not a blender -that realization was most likely when they added the liquid part and got shocked. I would check for entry and exit wounds on the hands.

    Mary Cagney: I’d go with someone trying to chop chocolate to make chocolate sauce. When that didn’t work they tried to wash it and didn’t realize it wasn’t submersible and killed it deader than a door nail. Who’s the ice cream eater in the household? I’d go with Termite.

    Susan Koplowitz: Someone thought it was a magic bullet and tried to make a frappucino. Didnt even try cleaning it, just dumped out the slushy mess and out of their own disgust left it on the counter for mature audiences to clean!!

    Liz Knight: Looks as if someone tried to make a milkshake in the coffee grinder…

    James Leigh: Here is what I have determined from my investigation: the cleaning of the countertop destroyed the grinder.

    It appears that whoever was cleaning was attempting to clean it (hence the brown water surrounding the base). The brown greasy substance within appears to be coffee oil that came in contact with water.

    Now, not knowing who the cleaner was, I cannot point a finger at the culprit, but I would place a wager on the termite

    I suppose that the termite (your child, I am assuming) was just not paying attention, and a glass of water (or some other clear liquid drink) was spilled on the grinder. Panic hit, and he tried all he could to try and save it. Unfortunately, he didn’t put it back together (which leads me to believe a late night glass of water), so it would have a better chance of drying out.

    Brenda Tate: The captain obviously got carried away with his cleaning.

    Ruth Kennedy Fox: I would think the grinder fell into the water … an attempt was to clean it up. or perhaps it was deliberately put into the water not realizing that the grinder is not designed for that.

    Becky Blanchard Smart: OK. I’ll go w/ the Captain. He wanted fresh coffee, and like my husband- doesn’t know how to make it. He figured he should put the water w/ the beans in to the grinder. Well, that didn’t work. He realized he busted it. So, he went to his “closet” to get a can of oil to try and revive it. After turning it upside down and all kind of ways to out what the water got to – he gave up and left the mess right there for me to clean. Yea of course, he’s going to blame it on the kid. The kid id going to get mad and blame it on Termite. The perpetrator will be in his “shed” fixing something else he broke and laughing at the complete mess of everything he made!!!!

    Michael Teasley: It wasn’t the Captain, it wasn’t the Termite, it wasn’t Miah. You killed the grinder yourself, because you realized that even fresh-ground coffee doesn’t hold a candle to Community Coffee!

    Sara Nelson: Seems to me that Miah wanted to surprise everyone with fresh brewed coffee when he awoke; unfortunately, Miah mistook the grinder for the brewer and poured water into the grinder along with the beans leaving a greasy mess. As a result the grinder blew the motor, Miah attempted clean up, heard you get up and ran for cover!

    Rebecca Rivera: I feel that it was Termite, he had desires of fresh coffee and tried to grind it and then steal it. The grinder overheated due to the amount of coffee beans that he put in. Therefore blew it up and ran with the fresh ground coffee to find another coffee pot worthy of Community Coffee!

    The captain did it, but with the best of intentions in mind. He is finally home, and he cleaned the entire kitchen:dishes, countertops, and even the unfortunate coffee grinder. He must have submerged the hapless machine in the sink when he cleaned it, thus shorting out the electric mechanisms inside with soapy water. The mess was made when he attempted to test it, or even grind some coffee for BW, and the poor non-waterproof grinder inevitably created a greasy, sloppy, coffee grinded mess.

  12. The Captain is innocent! He likes things neat and tidy and would never, ever leave a dripping, greasy coffee grinder only partly clean and just laying on the counter.

    It was the phantom cook. They were cooking gumbo and the roux became lumpy so, they used the grinder to remove the lumps. A grinder cup at a time until….the liquid seeped into the electrical works and killed it deader than a firefly in the winter.

    They tried to clean away their disaster but alas, the greasy evidence remained.

    Actually, I think it was the ice cream lover, Mr. Termite. He wanted ground chocolate chips to cover his bowl of ice cream.

  13. Okay, I’ve got another guess. It was ‘Miah. He got up late at night and decided to earn some money. Since the Captain had already cleaned everything else up, the only thing that needed cleaning was the grinder.

    Alas, seeing the mess he made and not knowing how to correct it, he left it to dry and went back to bed.

  14. Maybe it just was self destruction when it found out I won.

    BTW pocket knife for best fishing report in June. LOL.

  15. A hungry young man enters a spic-n-span kitchen in search for a bite to eat….shrugging his shoulders mumbles an audible “awww shucks”, everything has been tucked away nice & neat. Knowing the Captain is home, he dares not drag out the pot’s & pan’s…..The young Termite spies a loaf of bread and a jar of fig perserves….awww that sounded pretty good, but…how bout a touch of peanut butter….looking around realizing Peter Pan has flown the coup. But wait…The Captain has left a 1/2 filled can of Mr. Peanuts cocktail peanuts on the counter…if only there was a way to …….ah ha! Mom’s coffee grinder…The clever lad pours in peanuts and turns it on…..”brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrhhhhhhh…..” smiling at his brilliance his face freezes when he hears a sudden change in tempo coming from the Krups. Then suddenly a wiff of overheated plastic mixed with coffee o’ peanuts fills his nostrils….his heart races…oh noooo, what to do. The anticipation fills the kitchen, quickly the young lad unplugs the grinder, races around the kitchen realizing he must dispose of this now regrettable venture. He rushes to empty the partially ground peanuts and valiantly tries to wash out the grinder….who knew peanut butter could be so greasy???? Feverantly washing and rinsing while looking over his shoulder for signs of being discovered, the lad rinses for the last time, laying the now defunked krups on the counter to dry. No longer hungry, the lad quickly jumps into bed, covers his head along with his sins and finds safety in a young mans dreams of duck hunting, fishing & frog gigging on the bayou……..Yep, it was termite, sorry hon, didnt mean to rat you out, well, yes I did….I too must get to the bottom of things before they drive me crazy…(& the trip is getting shorter by the day). Let us know the culprit & cause….lol

  16. I love all the theories. They were fun and creative and some of you folks are crazier than I it seems! But after reading them all, it looks like 3 of them name Termite as the culprit. And 2 of these have him grinding something up as a topping. But the one I like the most, and comes closest to how this actually went down is . . . . . Sweet Magnolia!!! Congratulations, Deb. Please jet me an email with your mailing address and your French Press coffee pot will go out on Monday!


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