Phone must mean "pay to talk"

I mean, I really do enjoy talking to the people and doing business on my phones.  But just exactly what does that word phone mean? Somebody tell me. And what does cell mean? And what does tele mean? Because right now, they mean nothing more to me than paying to talk over the wires and airwaves and RIPOFF.

As cell phone usage increased nationwide, I noticed my land line bill going higher and higher, and then all of a sudden I had to choose a plan for my land line. Which package would you like? The basic rip off, the mid-range ripoff, or the take-you-to-the-cleaners ripoff package? Well, they all have their advantages and disadvantages.

Proud. And pleased. That’s what I was when my telephone bill arrived last month. I finally beat Ma Bell at her own game. I had figured out which plan worked the best for me without paying for all sorts of bells and whistles I would never use. And while I’m still gloating over my telephonic victory . . . . . . WHAM! My cell phone bill arrives.

What is this? A trade off? If the left one don’t get you, then the right one will? That’s how I feel. So what happens now? I could restrict usage of my cell phone during “peak times” and go back to using my land line to make all those calls. Many of which are long distance calls, and yes they are necessary (you know who you are asking me that question). Then my land line will go up double what it is.

Meanwhile, AT&T, previously Cingular (they’re playing Monopoly with our money) is suggesting I increase my “anytime” cellular minutes so that I don’t have so much overage. Overage. Now there’s a word for you. I’m overage to the tune of a gillion minutes at a whopping 45 cents per minute. Can you believe that what I have to say is worth that much? I mean, golly, as much as I talk that makes me worth millions—maybe billions.

This whole cell phone/telephone conundrum has me so discombobulated that I haven’t been able to go fishing, or take pictures, or wax poetic on my blog for DAYS. So, tell me, little Miss AT&T, are you going to compensate me for the prime time brain cells I’ve lost trying to figure out how I can solve this dilemma once and for all? And talk about squelching my creative verbal outlet. Oh, we won’t even broach that subject (old-school for “we won’t even go there”).

Maybe I should take the leap taken by some of my friends—do away with the land line totally and boost my cell phone plan up to the max. I’d still be paying less than what I’m paying now with the two phone bills combined. But there’s just something about not giving up that land line after seeing what Hurricane Katrina did to the cell phone towers here. We didn’t have cell phone service for MONTHS—and then along came Rita. Then, even the land line was no good, because everything went under saltwater for weeks.

So, I ask myself, why keep it? Why am I hanging on to this land line like a drowning woman holding on to a life ring? Why?

I really don’t know the answer to that. But after all is said and done, and I begrudgingly pay my outrageous cell phone bill tomorrow, one thing I know for sure is this:

TALK IS NOT CHEAP–at least not when I do it.

I’m done talking now.

OK, that’s it.

I think.

Maybe.

Ok, I’m done.

Later.

Bye.